8 hours and 53 minutes ago, I found out my fate for the summer.
10 hours after I'd found out my fate for the summer, the frustration and disappointment inside me are playing it up and are finally inducing me with a migraine.
I'd been planning to go the States ever since last November, marking each day off my -mental- calendar. As the academic year came to an end, I grew more and more excited. CALIFORNIA BABY! I haven't been there in forever and I desperately needed a booster shot. Planned take off day: July 11th. My god I have been waiting for this day since the 29th of December to be exact :D Anyway, back to the initial story.. My fate for the summer: spending it in good old Khobar. No States (for overpowering reasons we have no control over.) I've been maintaining my mental & psychological state fairly well since that had been announced. For the past 9 hours, I'd been acting pretty damn good. Sure I was sorta gloomy -and who wouldn't be after finding out something like that? But nonetheless, I'd been semi-normal.
My parents decided to go to Bahrain and tagged me along. We saw Toy Story 3 which didn't help in making me feel better contrary to what I believed its effect would be, because it just reminded me of Disney Land and Universal Studios, both in California. Where I'm not going. I'd become idle. And amazingly, not hungry :S I'd gotten a popcorn and a Coke for the movie, and didn't touch either until my mom asked: "are you fasting today Reem :S?" After that I forcibly had almost the entire bucket & chugged down my Coke. I think I thought that nothing was worth anything anymore. After the movie we went around shopping for stuff (with me being utterly uninterested in everything) and eventually we came here to have dinner. Being the gloomy uninterested apetiteless person I am, I barely spoke a word while deciding on what to eat. After a little chatting we ordered -I was obliged to order something or else my parents would've gotten extremely pissed at me. I got spinach and ricotta ravioli.
As we waited for the food, my parents started talking about their trip and travel plans. I just held the menu (yes, I did keep it even though it was far past ordering time. But in case I wanted a drink, since I opted not to get one) and read it. Again and again and again. I'd practically memorized it. Just so that I wouldn't have to take part in their conversation, to block them out. Their discussion was upsetting me and I couldn't -and wouldn't- tolerate it. 42 times of reading the menu later, cover to cover, I can now work as a certified Biella waiter :D
The food arrived, and I have to say, it was very good. Delicious. After 2 tempura prawns, one pizza slice, and 2 ravioli's though, I couldn't have anymore. And that's very alarming for a person like me :) minimal eating at a restaurant -or anytime, for that matter- has got to be a warning sign for something gone wrong. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I tried forgetting about it and enjoying my time, but it just wouldn't happen. Aaannnddd, as I resumed writing this post in the car, my mom started complaining about my bad attitude and constant bbm use today -the latter being not true, I had my phone shut off the whole time we were in Bahrain. Most likely she meant my use of it in morning and afternoon..
Anyhow, I just wanna go to sleep and wake up realizing that this was all just a dream. Or a false reality. Or a hallucination of some sort. Unfortunately, waking up tomorrow will only make matters worse, as that means my summer days are ending and I'm not going anywhere. After all my planning, my hopes, my expectations, my everything for a half a month in Los Angeles and half a month in New York, it's all over. And its irreversible. It really is over. I have to suck it up till this summer ends, uni starts, JC 1 and 2 are over, and 11 months later, my summer starts again and I MAY or MAY NOT travel anywhere. Again. No London, no States, no Japan, no Lebanon, and no Turkey. Yay. I know I should remain positive and crap etc etc, that this isn't the end of the world.. But you're not in a position to judge me -.- so I'll exert all the negativity I want for the next year until summer '11 is here! Boo ya! Therefore, I'm sorry wall in Saks Fifth Avenue advising me to "think about smiling at everyone I pass on the street today because I wont believe how contagious it is." I just can't find it in me to do that today (or this month). Though I'd usually love doing so, my optimism has officially depleted.
10 hours after I'd found out my fate for the summer, the frustration and disappointment inside me are playing it up and are finally inducing me with a migraine.
As if I need one right now.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal
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