I find it amazingly funny that as soon as I'm done eating..

As soon as the very last bite is in my mouth, This amazing unmeasurable feeling of guilt rushes through me. I’d say to myself “did you really need to eat that? Where you that hungry?” and it'll continue for quite some time.. Does anyone have a proper explanation for this? It’s really annoying to be frank. I just don't get why I must have such a complicated relationship with food!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, food is my abusive boyfriend :D no matter how much it beats me up I refuse to let go and always go back for more. FOOOOOD. LOL. Utter bullcrap. Anywaysss.... I'm dozing off as we speak. Must get to sleep!

Yes I'm lazy.

I'm very lazy. I know that, I fully acknowledge it.

HOWEVER, there has been a slight glitch in communication between myself and my blog.

See, I've been posting a lot. Well, not a lot, but like, at least 2 posts a month.. And most of my posts were composed and sent through my lovely Blackberry -not so lovely apparently. Ever since October 1st, I haven't had the time to log into my blog from a computer. I'd send my posts through my phone regularly though. Up until a few days ago I wanted to check it out and change its appearance/layout only to find out that my most recent post was in last September :) My face went blank. WHERE. ARE. ALL. MY. POSTS? I don't know if I should try to get them all online here or something; I don't even know how the glitch occurred! I always send posts from my phone and its been great. Anyhow, it's almost 2:30 AM, and I really need to sleep because I need to get up super early tomorrow i.e.: in a few hours. I'll be testing my phone soon enough to see if I can blog from it properly.

Awkwardness.

Just about an hour ago, I had the biggest awkward situation ever with someone.. And it kinda got to me, because I spend hours obsessing on whatever situation I was in for the whole day -possibly week. And I really really hate it because in an effort to make myself look all smug to the person who the situation concerns, I actually made a huge fool out of myself in the process. And now I hate me. And what happened. And I don't think I'll get over this soon, because that's just how I am. I dwell on whatever "embarrassing" situation I'm put through. UGHHHHH JUST WRITING THIS MAKES ME REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED AND GET ALL UNCOMFORTABLE AGAIN.

Its like I'm a freaking magnet to awkward situations. Why is it that I must encounter these on a weekly basis? Because this has been going on for quite some time now,, around 4 years now. I've noticed and counted.

I wasn't even done with writing that when something else happened, this time with a total stranger person who I must see daily (uni) but don't really know.
So from a weekly basis, I'm reduced to hourly. Yay :D

I hate this. Thank you very much.

Thursdaaay!

I woke up with a fairly good mood, only downside was that I needed more sleep. But anyways.. Got ready, got in the car.. It's psychology Thursday! What better uni day is there?? Only two lectures of psychology back to back starting 10:30 (disregarding the anatomy practical I have at 3:30, meaning that I gotta stick around waiting for 3 hours).. Bliss! I am determined not to let anything mess up my mood :D

Until..

I reach the causeway.. And its crowded as ever (and I'm not saying its like that cuz its Thursday, cuz the causeway sucks errrryyyday ;) ) and all the cars.. Stuck in long long lines.. And all the horns and horn noises.. Bleh..

Still won't say my mood is fully messed up! This is a temporary mess up and will end as soon as I'm done with the causeway, or even better, when I see Customs Man.. The most exuberant happy optimistic man I've ever seen,,

Its psych Thursdaaaay!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal

"Let me take you down cuz I'm going to.. Strawberry fields.. Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.. Strawberry fields forever! Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.. Its getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me.."
-Strawberry Fields Forever, The Beatles.

I wanna go to Strawberry Fields. Forever.
Really. Seems like a very cool place. And I can take my mind off of the current situation I'm in. And everything. Forever. Yay :)
Care to join?

That was lame. I know. I'll have a proper update up soon enough. Its just that everything is very hectic with uni starting and stuff so I need to get my mind -and everything else- organized first..

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal

"Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

-Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

Just thought I'd share this quote because its so beautiful and real at the same time. I mean, if we forget the past and stop worrying about the future, if we could just realize how irrelevant everything but the present is, wouldn't life be that much nicer?
Unfortunately, I tend to dwell way too much on the past, and think too actively about the future to the extent that I sometimes feel paralyzed from moving on and evolving. I wish I could let go.. I'll try doing so from now on!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal

Something I've Recently Become to Lack..

Social etiquette skills.

I think I am by far one of the biggest losers ever -at least today proved so. At the mosque after prayer, I saw my friend and started chatting with her and stuff. In front of me, I saw a lady on a chair, late 40's perhaps.. She smiled to me and even though I looked at her straight in the eye, I shifted my sight away and acted like I hadn't seen her and continued speaking to my friend. To my amazement, the lady came up to us and said: "sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to say hello because I'm in a hurry nd I need to leave."

She shook my hand and asked me about myself, my family, my university, and like, everything that has anything to do with me in a minute. She knew I was doing medicine. She knew I was in Bahrain. She knew I was second year now. All my head could say was WHO IS THIS LADY? She knows a lot about me why don't I know her? Unfortunately, a weird habit of mine is not really speaking all.. Fluently (?) with people I don't recognize. I don't act even a tad bit welcoming. Its upsetting as I've been trying to let this go for quite some time but as I've come to realize, this was never an issue to me :/ I mean, I think I've only become this way during last year. I really was never this way. Heck, my friend would always call me the "social butterfly" of my year in high school! I guess losing a close friend for a long period of time (a whole year without her as opposed to seeing her on a daily basis) turns you into some sort of introvert?

Oh, and I never ever ask the person I don't recognize about who they might be. Ever. I just hope really really hard that they don't ask me if I know who they are, because I dread saying 'no' to them. Does this all make sense or am I being irrational? I'm almost 19 and at an average two times the size of the person I'm speaking to at any given time. Why can't I develop just a LITTLE more social etiquette skills? I mean, I don't have any issues with meeting new people.. Its just that I get all awkward around the ones who already know me when I have no clue who they are :S Also, its not like I intend to go all cold like that around them, it just happens. I just get so upset afterwards because I don't like giving people a wrong impression about myself.

Oh well.. I will discuss this in my head forever more.. Till I reach a more convincing state.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from Aljawal