Awkwardness.

Just about an hour ago, I had the biggest awkward situation ever with someone.. And it kinda got to me, because I spend hours obsessing on whatever situation I was in for the whole day -possibly week. And I really really hate it because in an effort to make myself look all smug to the person who the situation concerns, I actually made a huge fool out of myself in the process. And now I hate me. And what happened. And I don't think I'll get over this soon, because that's just how I am. I dwell on whatever "embarrassing" situation I'm put through. UGHHHHH JUST WRITING THIS MAKES ME REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED AND GET ALL UNCOMFORTABLE AGAIN.

Its like I'm a freaking magnet to awkward situations. Why is it that I must encounter these on a weekly basis? Because this has been going on for quite some time now,, around 4 years now. I've noticed and counted.

I wasn't even done with writing that when something else happened, this time with a total stranger person who I must see daily (uni) but don't really know.
So from a weekly basis, I'm reduced to hourly. Yay :D

I hate this. Thank you very much.

Thursdaaay!

I woke up with a fairly good mood, only downside was that I needed more sleep. But anyways.. Got ready, got in the car.. It's psychology Thursday! What better uni day is there?? Only two lectures of psychology back to back starting 10:30 (disregarding the anatomy practical I have at 3:30, meaning that I gotta stick around waiting for 3 hours).. Bliss! I am determined not to let anything mess up my mood :D

Until..

I reach the causeway.. And its crowded as ever (and I'm not saying its like that cuz its Thursday, cuz the causeway sucks errrryyyday ;) ) and all the cars.. Stuck in long long lines.. And all the horns and horn noises.. Bleh..

Still won't say my mood is fully messed up! This is a temporary mess up and will end as soon as I'm done with the causeway, or even better, when I see Customs Man.. The most exuberant happy optimistic man I've ever seen,,

Its psych Thursdaaaay!!!

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"Let me take you down cuz I'm going to.. Strawberry fields.. Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.. Strawberry fields forever! Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.. Its getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me.."
-Strawberry Fields Forever, The Beatles.

I wanna go to Strawberry Fields. Forever.
Really. Seems like a very cool place. And I can take my mind off of the current situation I'm in. And everything. Forever. Yay :)
Care to join?

That was lame. I know. I'll have a proper update up soon enough. Its just that everything is very hectic with uni starting and stuff so I need to get my mind -and everything else- organized first..

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"Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

-Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

Just thought I'd share this quote because its so beautiful and real at the same time. I mean, if we forget the past and stop worrying about the future, if we could just realize how irrelevant everything but the present is, wouldn't life be that much nicer?
Unfortunately, I tend to dwell way too much on the past, and think too actively about the future to the extent that I sometimes feel paralyzed from moving on and evolving. I wish I could let go.. I'll try doing so from now on!

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Something I've Recently Become to Lack..

Social etiquette skills.

I think I am by far one of the biggest losers ever -at least today proved so. At the mosque after prayer, I saw my friend and started chatting with her and stuff. In front of me, I saw a lady on a chair, late 40's perhaps.. She smiled to me and even though I looked at her straight in the eye, I shifted my sight away and acted like I hadn't seen her and continued speaking to my friend. To my amazement, the lady came up to us and said: "sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to say hello because I'm in a hurry nd I need to leave."

She shook my hand and asked me about myself, my family, my university, and like, everything that has anything to do with me in a minute. She knew I was doing medicine. She knew I was in Bahrain. She knew I was second year now. All my head could say was WHO IS THIS LADY? She knows a lot about me why don't I know her? Unfortunately, a weird habit of mine is not really speaking all.. Fluently (?) with people I don't recognize. I don't act even a tad bit welcoming. Its upsetting as I've been trying to let this go for quite some time but as I've come to realize, this was never an issue to me :/ I mean, I think I've only become this way during last year. I really was never this way. Heck, my friend would always call me the "social butterfly" of my year in high school! I guess losing a close friend for a long period of time (a whole year without her as opposed to seeing her on a daily basis) turns you into some sort of introvert?

Oh, and I never ever ask the person I don't recognize about who they might be. Ever. I just hope really really hard that they don't ask me if I know who they are, because I dread saying 'no' to them. Does this all make sense or am I being irrational? I'm almost 19 and at an average two times the size of the person I'm speaking to at any given time. Why can't I develop just a LITTLE more social etiquette skills? I mean, I don't have any issues with meeting new people.. Its just that I get all awkward around the ones who already know me when I have no clue who they are :S Also, its not like I intend to go all cold like that around them, it just happens. I just get so upset afterwards because I don't like giving people a wrong impression about myself.

Oh well.. I will discuss this in my head forever more.. Till I reach a more convincing state.

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Bread Buns With Holes?

Guess what they are yet?
Bagels. They're not bread buns exactly, but whatever.

I made bagels. I woke up at 12 and made bagels. Being the fasting person I am at the moment, I am really craving those bagels. My problem with my bagels is though (besides their ridiculous calorie number) is that unfortunately, they look sorta ugly :/ although this batch looks considerably better than the last batch I made a week and a half ago, they're still lacking the beauty of those gorgeous New York bagels with the perfectly smooth round exterior. Mine are.. Grumpy looking. They taste amazing, as amazing as any New York bagel, I won't deny that. They just don't look amazing. They don't look so bad either, just.. Lackluster.

I need to find out the secret to the perfect looking bagel soon enough. Even though I personally don't mind eating them however they look like, some people have been asking me for bagels since forever, and I keep on blowing them off repeatedly :D because I refuse to serve anything short of perfect. I also can't bake bagels in Bahrain for the minor reason of me not owning an oven, but that's a whole other subject..

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August.. Back to the Sandbox

August has arrived, and I just got back from New York a day ago, actually (:

I have lots of mixed feelings about being back in the "sandbox" as my friend would always call it :p After California, I insisted on my parents that we pass by New York again before we go back to Saudi. I won. Lol.. So instead of going back to Saudi on the 27th, we went to New York again and stayed there till the 31st. So, my issue is that wherever I go, EACH YEAR, is how attached I get to the place I travel to. Very attached. Like, I wanna live & study here and spend my whole life here and have kids here and have neighbors and meet people here attached. New York and California were two amazingly different places, yet I enjoyed each one so so much. People would ask me which one is nicer? Which did you have more fun in? My answer: your question is non applicable, sorry :p
so they'd get all pissed and give up in trying to make small talk with me. Unfortunately, I can't make up my mind and I can't give a more reasonable answer. I JUST LIKE BOTH. They're really different. So I can't compare. It's like asking me if I like steaks or oranges better :/ Anyways, yeah, after a pleasant dinner in Benihana of Tokyo on La Cienega Blvd, Beverly Hills, we went for a drive through the city.. Nighttime in Los Angeles was truly something else. The cool chilly weather, the ambience of the streets, the whole setting of the city.. It isn't something you could forget! Especially that on that night, we drove through the UCLA campus, student apartments, and the fraternity and sorority houses with the huge Greek letters.. I gazed admirably at everything around me and tried helplessly to keep each bit in my photographic memory.. I wanted to study there! I really did with all my heart. Knowing that that's not going to happen anytime soon (hopefully for my residency though!!!), melancholy set in, and I started feeling bittersweet about the whole thing :( We got back to the hotel after a much enjoyable stroll around town, and somehow, my dad detected my unnerve-ness and asked what was wrong? I didn't say anything much.. Just a sigh and a hmph,, but what amazed me is what he said next. He put his arm around my shoulder and said while smiling: "Don't fall in love with California, Reem.. I'm telling you. Don't fall in love with L.A. It's a lost battle!" to which I replied.. HMPH! *DEEP UPSET SIGH* I was dumbstruck with what he said that I remained speechless :| To be frank though, that coming from a person who has studied in USC and Cal State and has practically lived in California for the whole duration of his late teens up to his mid-twenties, I think that's pretty unfair *talktohand* He got to fall in love, why can't I? :''''(
Aaah. So, yeah, New York on the way back was uber fun too.. 5th Avenue was a shoppers haven, and Macy's on 34th Street downright CONFUSING! LOL! It was HUGE! I hope I get to visit each year :D A med student needs a break every nine months now, doesn't she?

Moving on to Saudi news, Saudi has been hot, humid, and toasty :D Coming from weather that ranged from 22 to 32 (max) degrees celsius in the afternoon, I am now confronted with a forecast that has 45 degrees as a daily average :D YAY! So that's something I need to get used to.. Ramadan starts in approximately 9 days or so, and I'm looking forward to it! More Saudi news.. Umm.. I got to meet my new cousin Lulu! and I am now reunited with baby Saif, the cutest cousin anyone could ever have. Also, my close friend is leaving to Michigan to study human resources in 12 days. Only 12 days left and my friend leaves forever for the next 5 years (minus Christmas breaks, maybe.) and I can't get myself to come to peace with her leaving. I'm trying to be all happy about it and stuff but I'm just not feeling it :/ Mind you, this is the friend who I had planned my entire future with and the one who was supposed to follow our shared dream of medicine with me at the same university. I guess life likes to take abrupt turns and ruin all your prior plans fo evaaa :D I wish her future luck and all the best, even though things didn't turn out quite the way I wanted them to be.